fade

Any reader of this poem will clearly see the story unfolding, and that's the poem's strongest point. With an easily graspable theme and imagery that appeals to just about anyone who has ever tried and failed or loved and lost, this poem is bound to hit a spot inside everyone. Now, I know you didn't request critiques simply to get heaped with praise, so let's jump right into my critique of the poem.

In this poem I feel like you traded off originality for impact, which is a conscious decision I too have made in many of my own poems. The more intricate metaphors become the deeper the reader has to dig and many lose interest. Reaching out toward the sky is a metaphor that isn't groundbreaking, but as I said, it's tangible, and I think you made a good choice to use it, although perhaps not the most original one.

I love your beginning stanza and your ending lines, but I feel like the poem loses steam in the middle. I think it's because you only truly give one image per stanza, especially in the "as the desire..." stanza. I don't feel like it adds a great deal to the poem. Perhaps if it was changed to be more visual (really describe what floating on the wind was like, as we've all never experienced it before) it would be a better lead up to the defining action of the story in the "while the sky..." stanza, a stanza that could also stand to be more powerful as it is the one in which the climax occurs.

All in all it's a lovely little poem, one that is impactful whether read or spoken aloud. I'll definitely be keeping my eye on any new things you write!